You know, the thing is, when someone you care about lies to you, your default is to believe them.
When your spouse repeatedly lies to you and says, “no, no, no, no, that’s not true, why would I do that,” even if your gut knows, you tell yourself to believe them because you want to believe them, and they’re telling you to, begging you to.
Because why lie when the truth would be so much easier? Sure, it would hurt at first, but at least it would be over.
I wish the bandaid had been ripped off. But it wasn’t. For years there was a slow, painful peel, and the gas light burned bright and burned long.
P.S. When you read the next chapters, and you think, “how could you have let this go on, how could you have not seen it, how could you have stayed…” understand that when the person you’re married to is lying to you THAT much, and you’re in it, living it, and have invested so much time, so many years of your life, you want to believe, because you just want to live a life. A normal life. And that’s what he stole. He stole my life.