It's Me, Sara Louise

1. I can’t find dental floss. I have looked in four different grocery stores and no dental floss. Does the country not floss? The government health plan must have some special contingency for gum disease.

Oh, and in case she’s not reading through the lines – Mom, please send dental floss.

2. Victoria Silvstedt on the French version of Wheel of Fortune, La rue de la Fortune. This woman grates on my nerves in English, I really don’t need her in French. She should win the ‘I Crawled Up My Own A**’ award. Take a lesson Victoria, Vanna didn’t speak and neither should you.

3. Flies. French flies. The problem with big beautiful windows with no screens is the flies. How am I suppose to get a little fresh air in the house without letting a colony of flies in? No, I don’t want any pets, thank you very much. I hadn’t realized I’d moved to Ethiopia.

4. My closest Starbucks is approximately 100 miles away. I’m not joking. There are McDs and KFCs for as far as the eye can see but I have to go on a road trip to reach a Starbucks. Come on, don’t be afraid of a little Americanization now. Once you’ve gone Ronald McDonald, you can’t go back so can I have my grande skinny latte to go please.

5. Samantha’s French voiceover on Le Sex in the City. Please stop, you’re ruining it.

6. The Emmental cheese on my pizza (and on everything for that matter). Why is it there? In a nation of over 200 cheeses, if you don’t want to use Mozzarella as some anti-Italian statement, fine, but I’m sure you can make a better choice. Please try again.

7. Tourists. The Le Petit Village Tourists. I thought that once summer was over they would disappear for another couple of seasons, but nope, they’re still here. I’ve got Belgians and Germans staring in my windows. This isn’t Colonial Williamsburg. Move along please.

Thank you. I feel better. Now if you excuse me, I have tourists to shoo away and flies to kill.