while you were hunting

Hunting season is well underway in The LPV. That means that most of the wives here have been abandoned by their husbands for a walk through the forest with a shotgun and a dog, while les sangliers (boar) run for their lives.

Papa’s Wife is one of the hunting widows, so Sunday lunches have gone from seven of us around the table, to only three, which makes for much more quiet and cozy affairs. And since it’s only the three of us, we pop in a DVD when lunch is over. On Sunday afternoons, we are now the ‘No Hunters Allowed Movie Club’. It’s just about the most perfect way to spend a chilly Fall afternoon if you ask me. (There are actually only two members in the club, Papa’s Wife and me. The Husband tends to fall asleep on the couch.)

So far we’ve watched; Giant (one of my all time favorites), Crazy Stupid Love (why hello there Mr. Gosling), Horrible Bosses (or, Comment Tuer Son Boss? as it’s known en français) and Steel Magnolias (Papa’s Wife had never seen it… there were tears, oh so many tears).

These Sundays have been blissful, even if at times they’ve been compromised, like the time La Petite crashed. But of course we didn’t mind that too much. I mean really, she’s adorable, doesn’t take up much room, and doesn’t take more than her share of wine so she’s an excellent lunch guest in my opinion. And sometimes she does ridiculously cute things…

We were having paella… La Petite reached for a mussel, opened the shell, pulled out the mussel, ate half of it, put the other half back in the shell and closed it. She then pushed an encroaching Ruby away while shouting, “No Ruby No” (but being The Husband’s niece, it sounded much more like, “No Wuby No”), then she opened the shell back up, and ate the other half.

It really (weally) was one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen, so I didn’t mind that she had crashed our cozy lunch and the ‘No Hunters Allowed Movie Club’ was on hiatus for the week. Didn’t mind at all.

But I really (weally) did mind the time Papa returned home in time for lunch…

It was a minute past one, Claire Chazal had begun to deliver les nouvelles on the television in the background as we sat down to eat when we heard it… the sound of Papa’s hunting jeep pulling up. The three of us looked at each other with surprised expressions. Papa’s early return could only mean that he  had a successful morning (and we’d be eating boar for weeks on end).

The front door opened and in walked the Jack Russells, Milka and Leo, bells jingling on their collars, followed by a camouflaged Papa, and with them came a smell so awful it can’t be described. All I can say is that they smelled ripe and not in a ripe peach kind of way, they smelled ripe, like in the most awful, rotten kind of way.

Milka and Leo ran around the table, and every time they got near me I’d gag a bit, push my lunch plate a bit farther away from me, and bury my nose in my glass of Bordeaux.

Qu’est-ce qui s’est passé?” Papa’s Wife demanded.

It turns out Papa did have a successful morning, and while he was (I’m trying to think of a delicate way to put this) ‘taking care of’ the boar, Milka and Leo decided to roll all around in it. Like all around IN IT.

It was really not cute. Weally.

19 responses to “while you were hunting”

  1. Ewwwwww.Jack Russells are an acquired taste, especially when coated with certain substances.


  2. Ewwwwww indeed!! I can only imagine how that must have smelled!! I'm thinking rancid andouille…would that be accurate?And Crazy Stupid Love! SO GOOD. I love how in the end we learn that all the characters are connected. I love when movies do that!


  3. Eww…who gave the dogs a bath?


  4. Maybe they were trying to keep warm à la Luke Skywalker in Tauntaun guts? Sounds pretty gross either way. Hope Papa gave them a bath toute de suite!


  5. I love the hunter-free movie afternoons. I have fond memories of Thanksgiving week in high school, aka the week when there were no boys (and we were short a few girls), and so we just watched movies in every class. Wisconsin takes their deer hunting pretty seriously. So that was always nice. Not so nice though, stinky dog. Ours found a dead mole in the yard once and she went directly into the bath… that smell will remain though, even when the dog is clean. Yuck! Quick question though, is Milka named for the chocolate?? If so, adorable!


  6. That sounds weally wank… (oh dear, that didn't sound any better!) Hope they were all duly pointed in the direction of a shower, PDQ!


  7. I remember as a child, when Hunting season was in full force, my brother and I were not allowed to play outside, for fear of a bad aim from some clueless hunter. I am not a fan of hunting but I love the idea that you have these lovely afternoons sans stinky dogs and muddy men 🙂


  8. I would have to be a member of the 'No Hunters Allowed Movie Club' as I love to cook and eat and I have never hunted; not my thing!


  9. Dacia has decided to start rolling in dead things this autumn. I'm displeased…totally disgusting!!!!


  10. Laughing out loud…your blog just makes me giggle. You very funny. Now, can we have the follow-up post about sausage making please??? Hahahaha.


  11. In the words of Mr. T..”I pity the fool”..that has to clean up those puppies!!!Truly your life in France continues to sound delightful, so many amazing characters around you! When's your memoir gonna hit the shelves!???


  12. That picture is so beautiful and dreamy! I want to go on a walk through that picture right now! : )Isn't Crazy Stupid Love SO CUTE?! Also, our dog rolls in anything that has died. I don't get it.


  13. Hahaha, I was hoping you'd bring the “weally” back!!! And that picture? Holy breathtaking.


  14. Sounds like a good excuse to watch a few films – I love the title of Horrible Bosses in French – a bit more dramatic than the English title!P.S. What a gorgeous photo!http://missbbobochic.blogspot.co.uk/


  15. I'm cringing at the though of the smell right now. Oh so bad. What a lovely way to spend other Sunday afternoons though.


  16. Eeeeeeeeeew! That all sounds horrid! But if you want to get rid of any of the sanglier (once it's been “dealt with”) you can send it my way!!


  17. Oh that's awful! But also kind of funny. Wow, hunting season – I have never gone hunting before! Love your stories – they make me laugh (and sometimes cringe) – but mostly laugh. :)x Milsters(www.littlepiecesoflight.com)


  18. Ahaha! Oh and you should watch The Giant Mechanical Man! I loved it 🙂


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