OK… First off, I’m sorry that this has become my personal vent space, but I haven’t found a therapist that I vibe with yet, and writing about this has been so very cathartic. Also, some recent events in my life have occurred that have forced me to finally do the much-needed emotional unpacking of years of infidelity and gaslighting. It’s painful but necessary. I pinky promise that one day this will return to the sparkling space it once was. In the meantime, let’s unpack some sh*t.
He’s still lying.
Yes, the man with a wife (two, actually) and a baby is still lying to me. And I’m sure he’s definitely lying to her.
So, back in May, I went to see a divorce lawyer and was sadly told I couldn’t get divorced.
Sidebar: It was quite funny, actually, because she couldn’t wrap her head around the bigamy part. She kept saying, “but he couldn’t have married her,” as if there was some International Bigamy Police to intervene. It turns out anybody can marry anybody if they’re willing to commit fraud by lying on an official document like a marriage license.
I can’t get divorced because I need to be a New York state resident for two years, and at that time, I was only an official resident for about nine months. She asked where he was living, and I said that, according to him, he was in California (it’s one of the HQs of the company he works for) living on his own, without the wife or the baby because they supposedly weren’t together anymore and he had zero contact with them. (His wife’s social media posts would beg to differ.) She said that was great because California only requires six months in the state with three months in one county.
With this knowledge and a couple of martinis in me, I messaged my husband, asking if he met those requirements and if he could please make this process as easy as possible for me because he at least owed me that. He replied that he didn’t but would in three months. I stuck a three-month reminder in my diary and went about my business.
Fast forward to August.
“Will you hit the CA residency requirements for divorce this month – six months in the state and three months in the same county?” I messaged.
Two days later and no reply.
“I asked you if you would do your part to make the divorce as easy as possible for me, and you said you would, so I’d appreciate it if you didn’t ignore me.“
Another two days later and finally a reply:
“I will check.“
“There’s nothing to check. Have you been living in California for six months? Have you been living in the same county there for three months? These are not difficult questions.“
He came back with some fluff about traveling a lot for work, so he had been staying in AirBnBs and whatnot.
“Will you have a more permanent address soon or not?“
“I hopefully will.“
Oh, woe is him.
And then my mother did some digging.
After some superior Google searching, she found an address listed under his and his wife’s name in Sweden. (She’s Swedish. The wife, not my mother.)
Back to iMessage:
“Since you’re living in Sweden, you will not be establishing residence in California. Make sure I have an accurate address for you so I can file for divorce next year. And stop lying. It’s not necessary.“
‘”OK, whatever. I don’t know where I’ll be next year, but I will give you an address.“
So then I sent the Swedish address.
“OK, whatever you found if you think it is true. I have one in Ireland too.“
How charming. They have a residence in Sweden and one in Ireland. Good for them as I applaud from my studio apartment in Poughkeepsie.
He’s still lying and I can’t get a divorce.
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